Month: February 2011

one gloomy night

1. if you love two people in the same time, choose the second one. because if you truly loved the first one, then you wouldn’t bother to love the second one.

for those who think the second one is just a phase, i think you know yourself better. the first one might be actually a phase.

2.i’m literally hot. yes, i’m down with high fever. sob sob.

3. when was the time i’ve been serenaded? this i promise you sounds more than enough if you plan to do so.

4. have a little faith by mitch albom is a nice book. get your copy now.

5. have i told you i adore fernando torres that much?

6. i don’t have left point to say in here.

off to get some sleep.

what i saw while jogging

Alhamdulillah, let’s just say the waiting period finally came to a halt, confirmed by a phone call early this noon. (of which I was barely awake at that time. I do blame my sleeping pattern these days).
Alhamdulillah, with His will, let’s just say my arrow hits the target quite precisely which allows me to further divulge into what I call my interest. Let just see if I made the right choice. Let’s just pray and hope for that.
So now I’m jogging down the memory lane and got surprised of where I have reached to this day. This was all a dream for a 12-year-old girl having a late night conversation with her friend during her stay in Kampung Baru for a school trip, overlooking the twins standing diamonds. This was also a dream for a pre-teen girl who walked down the hillocks from classroom to dormitory without finishing her math and English homework. This was still a dream for the same young girl during her interview for the scholarship. So yeah, basically this girl has so many things to be grateful for. A lot more gain, I could say instead of losing or it’s all actually balanced?
So please give her the shrew’s slap to reality every time she forgets this. Hehe
By the way, the arbitrary consequences i have to front on whenever I persist in jogging down the hill of memory, more often than not, i’d lurch into someone that i’ve tried to forget behind the bush, or someone i that used to gear up my hatred up to ceiling level simpering at me. or perhaps, along the way i’d see the broken dreams of which i hold dearly with my life. So yes, it’s my choice to turn my face from all of those things. It’s enough to know they’re somewhere down there without having a second look. There’s none could be done to alter what has been broken. life is a one way street. No u-turn. So yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.
God, I think my cryptic vibes is all around, hence this entry. But seriously, I love it when it’s around, I feel like there’s actually scintillating butterflies all around. Of course with the escort from an endearing pixie(s) just like Tinkerbelle. (is this how they spell her name?hehe)
Off I go watching Barbie and the whatnots (obviously I didn’t know the title), which I download for my youngest sister couple of months back.
Good night.

=_="

i’m gonna pay a re-visit to road not taken.
i know there’s something in it i hadn’t notice before.
thanks to someone for her post 🙂

i don’t know how to speak turkey

I hope this entry has a pair of wings, therefore it could reach to that particular person whom the entry is dedicated to.
Hi. How do you do? I’m just in fine fettle, just so you know.
You know, few years back, we bumped into each other at one baffling crossroad. I smiled, and then you smiled back. truth be told, you were not the friendliest stranger I’ve ever stumbled upon but I just truly glad that I did because from there, I taste the sweetness of friendship which is obviously one of its kind.
Seriously, this should be way lengthy. Hehe..but this is all  I could come up.
So now, you’re contemplating of which part to trail on. The paths we take after this might be distinctly poles apart but hey, I unsure of what miraculous hex do I possess but I know I’ll be right there for you to lean on whenever some hurricanes knock you off the track. That’s what best buddy does best.
Put some music on, young duchess!(while you do the thinking, and tell me about it later)
Only one-yellowcard
This is how I disappear- my chemical romance
Famous last word- my chemical romance
Welcome to black parade- my chemical romance
Disenchanted- my chemical romance
Helena- my chemical romance
Sorry- buckcherry
Boulevard of broken dreams- greenday
Broken-seether ft amy lee
Move along- the AAR
Dance inside- the AAR
What hurts the most- rascal flats
Run-snow patrol
Midnight hour-running away
Time is running out-muse
Cant take my eyes off you-muse
Starlight-muse
Umbrella- rihanna
A thousand miles- Vanessa carlton
Drops of Jupiter- train
Wheverever you will go-the calling

this is the mix-tape cover for the above songs 🙂

petty

How many times did you hesitate to include news about your ex(s) or whoever in the range of the likes (crush, rejected ones) in your conversation with your friends but threw away the thoughts hastily just because you were afraid that your friends might be misinterpreting you still had feelings for him/her albeit in the actual case, you didn’t?
So yeah, I’ve been there few times so as many girls. for the first few months, might be a little throbbing if we actually were in love with them. It might be up for a year or so. But I don’t think it’d go beyond several years. come on. For once, don’t let outsiders define your feeling. I mean, if it’s true that you’re no longer rooting on how your last scene of fairy-tale will be closing stage and you already accept/swallow the fact that you two are way over long ago, then don’t bother of the trivial matter such as the claim. you friends might point their opinion out on that, but it does not necessarily true.
So yeah, it’s normal for you to hesitate and get afraid of being accused to still have a thing for your ex and the likes if you slip him into the conversation, by chance at that, and once again you should know that you know exactly what you’re feeling more than anybody else does. It’s not like you are talking about him every single day in every single matter, then if that’s the case, you should’ve abandon any thoughts of him because plainly crystal clear- you are not over him/her just yet. Do not worry of that as your time will finally come when you take in the reality of which he’s just like a passing evening breeze. Plain, unseen, just there for a short while, and doesn’t matter.
on separate note, it’s monday again, the beginning of weakdays. 
lend me a little faith on that, dear god.
i’m not gonna talk about that, neither by tongue or written. full stop. 
all i have to do is wait, then wait i shall.

bits of here and there

1. I’ve found another sanctuary, if we could call it as one, since it’ll become more or less my dumping ground for complicated and unsaid thoughts. the link is below:
second home
2. been thinking of how beautiful Georgina Sparks is, all day at that (a bit exaggeration here) but yeah, I still did think about her seem-to-be flawless complexion and figure in non-lesbie way. Mind you, I chase guys. Blueks
3. can’t believe I’m lured to the glitziness of the upper east side lifestyle that they’re trying to portray in GG. But well, yeah, I’ve been following that series since the first season. It drove me up the wall at times, when everybody dates everybody. I can’t quite define what’s their definition of friendship too, since you could always find Serena claws Blair’s back every now and then. the love triangle and such are pretty much dreary things for me but still yes, I watched every episode of GG. Besides, there’s Georgina and Nate to lighten my mood up, regardless of how bitchy she could convert herself into. but well Nate has always warmed my heart.  ecehh..
4. whatever it is, I miss one tree hill. I can’t just bring myself to be all devoted like before to this particular series when all that’s left in me is just driblet of interest, after Lucas and Peyton gone.
5. my lunch on Saturdays is usually happier than usual. The circle is complete with both both of my sisters are home.
6. home is where all my sisters are there and can pull each other’s hair whenever we please to. yes, we are poyo like that.
7. I’m fat. No, this is not a whining. It’s a statement. (…and the song on playlist switched to stay the same. Is it a sign that I should’ve just stay for who I am,  no matter how fat and chubby I’ll be? Haha..as long as im happy, why the heck not?
:))
Night.

MCR

Ohhh gimme a break.
Not that I’m talking about anyone, it’s just my burning desire that seems like commanding to blog every single thoughts that occured in my brain. Why am I being like this? Is this the post-regret syndrome? Well I took it well. I knew all along why I DID HAVE TO get rid the previous-cious blog. you get the word that right? I meant to state previous and precious hence the previouscious. Erghhh, see I even write that twice. Duhhh
I’m easily distracted. And now like that’s gonna happen because it won’t, it will not. (yet again, the repetition).
So I’ve been listening to this is how I disappear, repeatedly, for more than two hours now. I didn’t even like this song this much back then. I am averse to admit the exponentially increasing interest in MCR just within this couple of hours, mainly the songs from The Black Parade, besides nostalgically connected to the margin for longing somewhere between the melody. *weak smile*
I know they do have newer albums than this one am listening to, but yes, I’m lame and slow like that. I care not of how old the songs are, I just cherish the melody.
So now, MCR it is.
Rumours alleged that they’re going to disband, or they just did already? whatever.
I need sleep.

1st-please be bothered

I don’t really possess a decisive mind? do i?
Well, as I just decided to read more on non-fiction, (un)fortunately I pretty convinced my time will be occupied with reading my newly purchase books. Three (3) of them altogether.
 1. Mitch Albom; have a little faith
2. Jeffrey Archer; Cat o’ Nine tale
3. Dan Brown; the lost symbol
But hey, I’ve been craving for the lost symbol since forever and tell you what, it was in my list for a long long time. I shouldn’t let myself wait for that long, hence the book on my study table. Hehs
Do I really have to justify myself? Nah.. didn’t think so.
Lets moving on.
Does anybody care to tell me how on earth this yellow song is compelled to be so enthrall and spellbind? Errr..
I have a lot going on in my mind before I finally made myself sit down quietly on the floor, beside my historic study table, and now all I have is a blank mind;forcibly trying to string gushing of words together before the ideas slip away. The problem is my fingers can’t keep themselves from the delete button on the right side of this damn keyboard. So you tell me, how am I supposed to go after my celerity thoughts? huh..another phony excuse for lack of ability to really transform my thought into the form of words.
One good thing I’ve learnt along the years to pursue this one hobby of mine- blogging that is, that I cannot be afraid of what people are gonna say or usually judge on what I wrote. But of course, I must not consciously and purposely write just to sting people’s feeling which I won’t. I think I have a whole lot more to write about than just to entertain the fellow readers with calumnious entries. So there, my point is, usually we bloggers are judged by the way. Don’t take it too deep. It brings nothing but bitter, really.
Every so often, I got asked by some individuals on whether I’d be concerned on the subject of how many readers do I have. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t care less on that matter. I guess, it depends on your purpose of blogging. If you want to be gratified with constant feedbacks (which I don’t classify as bad either) for every post, in that case you may feel troubled if there is no reader. Unlike me, who just blog for fun, sharing morsel of my on-going yarn to some friends and even strangers. It’s good to have someone reading to my endless bellyache and grumble at the end, and it’s better when your good friends personally ask you about it and discuss over the phone or messengers. For what is worth, just do blog based on your intention and heed less on what others may think. if they do judge you, it’s based on superficiality only. one can never be so damn honest in writing, revealing everything. and for that matter, they dont know you unless they’re close to you personally.
On the other note, I couldn’t care less of my placement. Seriously. Ok, that’s one big fat lie. Of course I do seriously care about it. my life depends on it. haven’t I convinced you guys enough during interview? Now I think I should’ve really winked at one of them and flash million dollar smile. (did i wear lipstick on that day? errr do i ever have lipstick in the very first place??)  Just kidding.
I’m just hoping for the best from Allah. He knows best, that’s proven to be true scores of time in the past years. Have a little faith cuz it brings great deal of good.
p/s: just stop thinking what others may think about you, because more often than not they don’t. just go on pursuing what you want to pursue, true friends stand by you. it all that matters. the rest, well.. you decide.



babble at dawn

I’ve developed this detrimental behavior of my sleeping schedule. Between those interweaving cells, my brain somehow confused between day and night. Yeah, seriously. It’s freaking 4.35 am in the morning and this syndrome has gone reaching a week old now. no, anxiousness does not cause me this. 
My mother and grandmother gave me a long talk regards to this and don’t think it helps. I guess I’m not physically tired. Mentally? Yeahh a bit. tu pun, just due to the long hours of eying every sentence from the computer screen i.e replying comments on facebook, blogging (now), reading other’s blogs, etc etc . just a leisure reading, nothing heavy.
Oh yeah, I’ve also developed partiality on reading the from the computer screen. see, never say never. all talks about how I hated doing it before this is dissolved little by little and the facts I once claimed it to the subject of detestation sounds pretty alien to me now, at this moment. Yeah, again, never say never. We never knew what future brings. Therefore, if you do have interesting links, please do forward them to me. I’m all eyes to read from computer screen.

Have wanted to made at least minor portion of my 24 hours, let’s say 3 hours of reading (and understand) is still a failure. Funny, because every night (morning actually) before letting myself fall off the edge into the slumber-ocean, I doggedly tell myself to finish my reading on knowledgeable book, issues. Not to bury my nose into magazines or fictions. hey, I could do that for half of the day, without any force. Haih.. how can an economics or sociology or (insert any major that is in the same code area) student practically read all those thick books. I believe unlike me, they manage all of that for the knowledge sake. Me? exam-oriented. *head down* No one to blame tho, my forefinger pointed to me. Hehee.. Therefore, I’ll stick to my goals to read (and understand) on global issues. A bit on politics, economics (and large part on who dates who in Hollywood) I should’ve cultivated this habit long time ago. Better late than never. yes! Never say never.
Oh, congratulations saiey. You made it. 

Well, for those who miss me in Friendster, trust me I’ll be not going back there. I deleted my account few months back. The cute thing was, (did I say cute? Please excuse my poor vocab) I read all my testimonials all the way back to 2004! And traced down my testimonials/comments to someone, at that.
You don’t have to guess who that human being is because I’ll never ever real his/her name in here. so syui, stop smiling. I know you know about whom I am babbling about. On second (hundredth) thought, intan was so right. I didn’t realize I was falling. Young girl with immature thought, I was. Hehs..
Listening to: this is how I disappear 🙂 …