I am in love.
I am constantly in love with myself until a point that at times i take myself for granted. Like, not doing the best that i can. I know it sounds cliche but yes, i take it for granted.
Life is not just measured up by only PPA rating in your organization but i also got PPA i have to keep up in the eyes of Allah. That’s not easy but it is actually easy.
This Ramadhan i teach myself to make du’a (prayers) based on the prayers in the quran. One will never understand my struggles with du’a because i am constantly chasing myself to leave the sejadah. One day, i read about a quote of Saidina Ali where he mentioned of – Du’a adalah senjata orang mukmin.
That caught my attention. Just as much as one of the verse in Surah Sajdah where it just stated that one day we’ll be meeting our Lord (Allah). Knowing that fact alone has helped me go through rough moment a lot! Just one simple verse. When i face the rough moments, i tend to feel like my world has collapsed but at the same time i know life is not stopping just because you feel like yourself collapsed internally. So what keeps me moving is the fact that if i give up then i have a lot to answer to Allah so i get scared and it’s always better to bounce back. Hehe..
Back to the du’a
I downloaded this one apps at playstore and started reading those dua from quran on a daily basis. I like it because it’s whole. The context is so tight because in just a few verses i can relate to a lot of things that i am currently going through. I am not instantly feeling closest to Allah like i ever felt in my entire life but enough to say i feel a little bit closer and i hope the gap getting smaller day by day.
It’s not a month process but i hope i can maintain the efforts of what i already knew and pray that Allah will guide me constantly to further find ways to be closer to Him. Amin!
If one day, one of you who are reading this happens to be my life partner, rest assured that in my heart at that time will be you and only you. Thats why i choose you despite everything i posted or written in here.
Well, i can consider myself as an animated person with vibrant character. Yes/no? I easily get amused but hardly impressed. When i say i am vibrant, i once test a character of a person by bringing him cupcake, to his office, during our first meet. Little that i knew, i was the one got a surprise. He turned to be as animated and sincere and open minded as a person could be. And, very very helpful.
Thinking back, i like the way how he hid the awkwardness and still manage to discuss what i asked about at that time. If you ask me, that was one of the most spontaneous acts i did just because i felt like to and i wanted to. It was embarrassing of course but it was going to be more embarrasing if he turned out to be a jerk. Lucky for me, he did not. but well, this is not a fairy tale. He’s not my boyfriend either and the feeling long gone but i am glad i took a step and test character of a person like what i did.
I learnt that some people are very good with people and do not make a stranger feels awkward at all . Some act so cool to a girl who had crush on him. Some guys would act all weird, that include some of my male friends that i often hang out with. When a girl likes one of them, they act all weird and at times freaked out. As AN puts it in her blog, like her, i consider myself lucky at that part because one or two i had crush with and i made known to him are the one who can act cool. Quoted from one of them, they respect my feeling enough so he didnt even make fun of it and it’s my thing to deal with. Which i found so matured or that was the smoothest way of rejecting me. Sleek!
I learn i don’t always get what i want but i am glad for the efforts i made. 🙂 because at the end, i know what god gives me after all the efforts and prayers i made, is the best for me. But do not stop praying. 😉 and always have positive mindset towards Allah, for whateverrr pun. Faham? #TazkirahPuasa
On the other note,
Works are piling up. I feel stupid evaluating something that i do not knpe and my fundamental is crumbling. Expectation is high. I hope between my expectation and i, we can meet halfway.
A lot has happened in the past 2 months.
Like, a lot.
I hate to disclose about work in my blog because thats too personal which this blog is not, but im gonna say it anyway.
I feel some kind of attachment because i learnt like, really a lot whilst evaluating this one project. Unlike the one i worked previously. This one i close my gap because finally i did do some model modification and finally i am forced to read that one particular gsa. I love reading but not legal documents because i do not favour the sentence structure.
I miss travelling so much. I do. But i dont wanna go to east asia anymore. I want go to the old towns of europe. I loveeeeeeeee the environmemt and to the Alps. I miss itt so much.
I have always thought of Peru when I listen to this song.
A lady who is sitting in front of me is having cheese bagel.
Speaking of which, i cannot do bagel and cheese together, for whatever twisted taste reason. I remembered having one in London and yet my theory of bagel for myself was proven. I could not handle bagel.
My train of thoughts went to the specific place on earth, Rome. I ran across the airport because we were late and reason being was because i wanted a cup of coffee. And the history repeated itself in Jogjakarta recently. I should mentally note that, it’s okay not to have coffee for that day when your flight is waiting for you.
Why Ed Sheeran does not produce a song as good as Thinking Out Loud this year?
It was my idea to check out new San Francisco outlet after having hearty lunch with the girl who patiently waits. Above so many topics can be talked about, I consciously chose to open a topic about procrastination that I recently read on the internet. Internet can do so many things to our mind be it good or bad. The chosen topic was addressed well by the girl who patiently waits.
I bet none of you want to know the details on my reading but are more curious about the girl who patiently waits.
She waits for a blessed miracle, the one(s), with Allah’s will, will be her strengths in this world and hereafter, the one(s) that will become her source of pahala that she’ll carry on her shoulder till the moment she’ll be facing the One and Only, ever living, Allah swt.
I wish nothing but the best for her and hopefully all the waiting will reduce the distance in the heart between her and the god.
They say, love traverse space and time, well prayers can too.
Ps: by the way girl who patiently waits, I lied about believing halfheartedly on the comfortable silence. I always believe there’ll be one in millions that can actually and really understand her. I believe two people can actually sit there and talk about nothing at all but the presence alone can make the heart warmer.
For a while” is a phrase whose length can’t be measured.At least by the person who’s waiting.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
“Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.”
― Elisabeth Elliot
The clumsy me forgot to save what i did write and nothing, none can be tracked down. I feel like screaming because i wrote a lot weh.
Arghhh. I even penned a paragraph about alexander in NOT hyperbolic way, opposing to the kind i usually described him such as he is as good looking and charm and sweet as zac efron- i know A or N, stop eye-rolling i can see it even if you were wearing sunglasses.
To sum it up, I mentioned a bit on how he actually inspires me, career-wise, due to some reasons that i discincline to re-write it all.
Internet macam lembab kan. Grrr
And bus is waiting.
Rama-Rama, Ella, turns out to be having almost accurate words to depict what i feel towards a certain someone. far from the eyes, but close in my prayer. insyaa Allah.
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Good bye now. your memories are in peace. 🙂